Monday 8 June,  2015

North Atlantic Ocean  37 51.7N 35 57.6W

Today's Blog by SOMEONE  (Time zone: BST -3.0; UTC -2.0)

Hello!

I see that my cover Is blown and my existence is now out in the open (David’s blog, 5 June).

I’m not really supposed to be here and I have so far managed to remain hidden. Occasionally, when the tall one with pink skin goes on watch, I creep into The Pit for a more comfortable sleep but I think he suspects I’m there as he usually gets the Kango hammer going to disturb my sleep. Otherwise, I tend to stay under the floorboards so they can’t find me. This is because I am very scared of them. They always refer to me in a very sinister way (usually sneering at the same time) as in “SOMEONE’s not done this or SOMEONE shouldn’t have done that”.

I can’t spend long doing a blog in case I get caught but I really need to put the record straight as I seem to be blamed for everything, so here goes.

Firstly, I do not spend half an hour in the shower – I timed myself today and it was only 25 minutes. What is wrong with these people? I’d be pretty smelly if I didn’t have a regular shower, wouldn’t I?

Next, the other tall one with the beard was concerned about a smell of beer in his cabin and concluded “SOMEONE must have punctured a beer can”. Well, actually, I’ll fess up to that one as it’s your floor I live under and I’ve got to live on something, haven’t I? There isn’t anything else but beer down there.

Here is a sample of other things I’ve been blamed for:

·         SOMEONE has failed to set the sails correctly

·         SOMEONE has wrapped the Frog

·         SOMEONE has failed to provide Happy Hour drinks at the right time

·         SOMEONE has left the galley dirty

·         SOMEONE has failed to switch on/off the navigation/anchor lights

·         SOMEONE has failed to wash up after breakfast

and the all-time favourite, SOMEONE farted.

All I’d like to say is IT WASN’T ME!!

Just so you know, I overheard the one they call the Boss say that we expect to arrive in Horta around Wednesday evening, by which time, the wind will have gone all the way round the clock to the East again – where it was when we left Bermuda.

Bye!