Wednesday  Nov 16th 14 38.3N 53 54.3W

This is your Captain speaking.

Good Morning Every one.  

Well, we made reasonable progress overnight. Many  of you will know that we encountered some unsettled weather a few hours ago and so had to switch on the "Fasten Lifelines" signs for a while we changed to a smaller suit of sails. I am sorry if we disturbed you when you were tipped out of your bunk during that broach – it was unavoidable.  Thanks to those of you who were involved in that process, I hope your injuries were not too severe and  that you all managed to get back to sleep and get some more rest.    The ship’s medic will be passing through the boat this morning and we will patch you up as best we can. Thank you for your understanding and if you do happen to find any severed limbs or other body parts around the cabin, please contact a member of the cabin crew so they can be returned to the rightful owners.  

We are now cruising at about 0,000 feet at a ground speed of approximately 7 miles an hour. We have about 275 miles left to run to Barbados and so anticipate arriving there  in about  40 hours’  time. The local time in Barbados is four hours behind UK time and you should be aware that the country has strict quarantine laws that provide for imprisonment of anyone carrying infectious diseases.

We will switch on the “Attach Shorelines” signs in about 32 hours’ time when you will be asked to return to the fetid festering pits which once were  your cabins and begin turning them back into the fragrant habitable spaces typically occupied by normal human beings. The toilets will be beyond use from that time onwards – as they have been for most of the last week - so  please take the opportunity to deep clean an disinfect them – floor to ceiling – before you risk using them to  freshen up  as required before landing so that you have some hope of getting past the health inspection.   

The Duty Free Bars Service will have to close soon on account of the fact that we have drunk most of it up here on the flight deck.

So that's about it. Your cabin crew are here to make your journey as pleasant as possible and so please do ring the bell call if you want your head bitten off by the decrepit harridans that pass for stewardesses. Otherwise, do make yourselves comfortable, get some more rest and enjoy the rest of your journey.

I wish you safe passage to your final destination.  Serendipity Sailing is pleased that you chose to sail with us to day;  we do value your business and look forward to welcoming you back on board in the future.

Cabin Crew:  Forty hours to landing……………….!

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Soft woman’s voice over intercom.

Good morning everyone. We’d like to tell you about a new  initiative that Serendipity Sailing is really proud of.  Working together with a number of international charitable organisations with interests in looking after the poor and needy around the world, we have established a new charity – the Boat Owners’ Benevolent Fund  - whose aim is to help and succour those mariners in severe  need. In the seat pocket in front of you will find an envelope and a member of the crew will be passing through the cabin shortly to collect them.    If you feel able to help us in this worthwhile project then please empty all the large denomination bank notes in your wallets and purses and place them into the envelope and we will ensure safe on was transmission to the needy through the Boat Owners’ Benevolent Fund ….….  of which there is presently just one worthy beneficiary.  Please give generously.