Tom’s Crew Report

Starship Mina2 – Day 20

Help! Help! – is there anyone out there reading this crew blog? It is 11.30pm, beautiful calm sea with a little wind to sail on. A huge beautiful moon is rising in the east shining its glittering lunescence on the sea. The sky is full of millions of bright stars. The Southern Cross plain to see in the south with the glittering planet Venus low in the western sky.

I am secretly typing away on the Captain’s computer, with Lawrence keeping watch outside the Captain’s state room. He is asleep and his intoxicated snoring is incessant. We managed to get the computer code off him while he was in his usual intoxicated state the previous evening.

Get us off this boat!!  No!  Let me rephrase that. The boat is a beautiful sleek Oyster 485 cutter rigged. Strong as an ox, it will confidently take on any big sea and high winds. In the Southern Ocean it glided over waves as tall as houses with 50 knot winds. Yet as graceful as a swan on a millpond.

No! Get this skipper off the boat! This tyrannical megalomaniac is making our life a misery.

Oh my God, Lawrence has run back from position outside Skipper’s room and is cowering behind me, screaming “It’s the Skipper! … He’s having one of his turns!!!”Out comes this dishevelled, eyes rolling, wild tyrant bellowing like some primordial monster, wielding his gnarled oak punishment club.

I rugby tackle him to the floor and Lawrence grabs a bottle of Cachaça (potent Brazilian spirit made from fermented cane sugar – add some crushed limes and sugar for a perfect cocktail), and managed to pour some down his throat. This does the trick and Skipper is now quietly sitting, sucking his thumb and nodding his head while dribbling down his soiled T-shirt. Bless him!

I had already added Avomine to the Cachaça. This is a powerful antihistamine, used for seasickness (recommended by Venetia – read the blog). It also has a powerful narcotic effect (makes you sleepy).

His dramatic mood swings have been worrying us. Should we lock him in his cabin? Should we remove his cocktail cabinet? Should we just let him watch on his 50” plasma TV his collection of childrens’ cartoons of Zebedee and The Magic Roundabout, the Wooden Tops, Bill and Ben, and, of course, his favourite Captain Pugseye and Roger the cabin boy, featuring Seaman Staines!!

Decisions!! Decisions!! With this megalomaniacal tyrant in charge, we have lost the power of making any.

A decision maker he is. And of the highest quality! I digress. Tim is the best boat captain I have sailed with . His knowledge of the sea, boats, navigation and all thing’s nautical is immense .I have total confidence in him in any sea condition…..I would sail with him anywhere.

“Ouch, Skip, you’re breaking my arm” …. “ Lawrence – get the Cachaça !!!”